June 05, 2004

Commercial Parody / Democratic Debates

by Jeremy Blachman

I just wrote a sketch -- it's a commercial parody of sorts. I'm sort of looking for feedback as to whether it's funny; it's for something (of no consequence) that I'm doing, and if it's not funny, I'll just write something else. So if you read it, stick something in the comments so I know if it works or not? Thanks.

[clip from 2004 Democratic Debate; John Kerry speaking]

JOHN KERRY (in a monotone)
Under this administration, the trade deficit has grown by almost 50% and exports have fallen to an all-time low.

Don’t you wish you could relive exciting moments like this, over and over again in the comfort of your own living room? Finally, now you can, with, “The Greatest Moments of the 2004 Democratic Candidate Debates.” All of the highlights are here:

[clip from 2004 Democratic Debate; John Edwards speaking]

Under my plan, almost two-thirds of all women earning less than seventeen thousand dollars a year will receive an education tax credit of up to six hundred dollars.

Remember where you were when Joe Lieberman shrugged his shoulders for the very first time? Or when Dennis Kucinich realized he couldn’t see over the podium.

[clip from 2004 Democratic Debate; Al Sharpton speaking]

There are bigger issues in this race. Issues like why the media continue to ignore me.

The good times, and the bad. The laughter, and the tears. We all remember this emotional moment:

[clip from 2004 Democratic Debate; Wesley Clark speaking]

WESLEY CLARK (in a monotone)
I am the only candidate on the stage with real foreign policy experience.

For years, Americans have clamored for a way to recreate the presidential candidate debates in their own homes. Never before have they had the opportunity. Until now.

[clip from 2004 Democratic Debate; Bob Graham speaking]

I am Florida Senator Bob Graham, and I am running for President because I believe there is a chance all of the other candidates will die in a fiery accident, and I will be the only one left.

This 6-DVD set includes moments from the debate in Louisville, the debate in Des Moines, the debate in Springfield, the debate in the other Springfield, the debate in Grand Rapids, and the hardly-before-seen debate in Chestnut Fields, South Dakota that was only aired on public access television. During a blackout.

[clip from 2004 Democratic Debate; Dick Gephardt speaking]

One of the most important issues facing Americans today is how to get to me, Dick Gephardt, to stop running for President.

These professionally mastered DVDs are offered in the original widescreen format, with Dolby sound quality, and the option to hear the debates in English, or in German.

[clip from 2004 Democratic Debate; Howard Dean speaking]

Apple strudel, Fahrvergnugen, Haagen-Dazs, Weinerschnitzel, AAAARGGGGGGH!

Plus, the original theatrical trailers, and commentary from former Ambassador Carol Moseley Braun.

[clip from 2004 Democratic Debate; Carol Moseley Braun speaking]

Oh, here’s where I stood too close to the microphone and encountered a slight bit of feedback. It was quite an embarrassing moment.

And, a behind-the-scenes tour of the debate sites, with 1988 Presidential hopeful Bruce Babbitt.

[clip from behind-the-scenes tour]

This is the Green Room, where they provide coffee or tea for the candidates, and give them a place to make final preparations before the debate begins. Across the hall is the media room, where the candidates will make statements to the press after the debate is finished…

And, if you order now, we’ll throw in a limited-edition Joe Biden for President bumper sticker, and an autographed photo of Democratic Leadership Committee chairman Al From.

I’d always dreamed of the day when I could watch the Democratic presidential candidate debates over and over again, whenever I wanted. Now, thanks to this special offer, I can. And I can’t tell you how much it’s meant to me.

Sure you can.

Well, okay. It’s meant I can finally take my Season 1 of Growing Pains DVD out of the DVD player and put it in the garbage where it belongs.

“The Greatest Moments of the 2004 Democratic Candidate Debates.” Order now, before it’s too late.

[clip from 2004 Democratic Debate; Joe Lieberman speaking]

JOE LIEBERMAN (in a monotone)
We need to find a way to lower the cost of refinancing home mortgages in this country; we need moderate change for moderate problems; we need a leader who’s not afraid to listen.

NARRATOR (quickly)
“The Greatest Moments of the 2004 Democratic Candidate Debates” DVD collection may cause nausea, headaches, chest pains, drowsiness, and extreme boredom. Do not operate heavy machinery after watching the debates; the DVD collection is not for everyone; ask your doctor before you order; international shipping is extra.

June 5, 2004 08:24 PM | TrackBack

You just might top "Gigli" with this and get Ben and his ex off the hook.

Posted by: Shag from Brookline at June 6, 2004 12:41 PM

funny! i like all of it except the housewife "growing pains" part.

Posted by: hepchica at June 6, 2004 07:12 PM

The sketch was funny, and I think certain parts have to be seen to be appreciated. Lieberman talking about mortgages was great, but I may have ended it there. I agree that the narrator should say something to say towards the end, but he does have a line prior to Lieberman, and the last line seems to push a point that had already been established; namely, that the speeches throughout the video are extremely dull. Also, the "Growing Pains" line seemed forced, although the idea of the uninterested housewife was a good one. On the whole, I enjoyed it--as I do much of the stuff you write.

Posted by: Sean S at June 6, 2004 08:12 PM
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